The future...

This is basically a copy of my other blog... Hope you enjoy...

I decided to try my hand at a few predictions, I mean, if Nostradamus can do it...

1: A fundamentalist group claiming to worship bacon will attack PETA in the media, and then sue them for infringing on the constitutional right of all to clog their arteries with pig fat, if they so choose.

2: PETA will respond by throwing fake blood at them in court and will be held in contempt.

3: A Mexican man named Jesus Hernandez will be mistaken for the 2nd coming of Christ, and showered with gifts by millions of adoring worshipers. He will then have to return these gifts when it's discovered that his mother did not conceive immaculately as she claimed, but in a fast food restaurant restroom with a blonde man named Jorgen.

5: Technology will become so advanced that people will no longer need to get up to do anything, ever. Obesity will be so common that the standard width of a door will have to be changed in order to accommodate the bulbous, sweaty population of the world. Skinny people will be made fun of and considered ugly and undesirable. The fat council will then decree that all skinny people should thus be eliminated. The plan will fail when none of the people charged with committing the genocide are able to stand up.

6: Former Australian cricket captain Steve Waugh will get into politics and be elected Prime Minister of Australia. He will appoint Shane Warne as his minister of defense and his brother Mark as the minister for arts and culture. They will be sanctioned in their second year of office when it is discovered that they received money for providing information to Indian intelligence. They will be let off with a warning when they claim that the information was not ‘important’ and that it wasn’t really their fault… Shane will then be embroiled in yet another sex scandal, this time he will be accused of sleeping with a Russian mail order bride named Svetlana and a pair of Siamese twins named Errol…
Steve will declare war on New Zealand after an argument about which country has the better sheep… Mark will continue to live in his brother’s shadow and when asked about it he will mumble something unintelligible and skulk off to sulk in a corner where nobody can see him.

7: TMESBU (The Middle Eastern Suicide Bombers Union) members will all strike in protest of their terrible working conditions and abysmal short term employment benefits. The strike will result in a temporary peace in the Middle East which will become permanent when everyone realizes that war is a really horrible way to live and that dying isn’t so cool after all.

8: George W Bush will join the lecture circuit with Al Gore once he realizes how boring it is to be the former President of the United States. This will mark the beginning of a long and successful career in stand up comedy.